You Could Be Happy
by Promised Flower
Summary: Every dream has to end. The question is this: could you have done more to save what you had? Set to a song by Snow Patrol.


This is dedicated to our dear family friend for being so strong, and to my friend for allowing me to cancel our plans to help someone else.

This is my first song fiction, so please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything attached to DBZ or the song (which is You Could Be Happy, by Snow Patrol ©)

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_**I Don't Understand/ You Could Be Happy  
**_

I stand in stunned silence as I listen to the words of sorrow and sadness that flow from the mouth of one I love so dearly.

I don't understand.

_You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go_

How could I have misjudged so brutally? I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think… I don't know how to stop what has begun.

"Goku, please…"

I bring my eyes up from where they had fallen to the ground; I force them to look at her. I see pain, sorrow, and… determination. She wants to go. I can't make her stay.

"It's going to be fine," she says. A smile appears on her face only vanish like lightning into the air. She can't pretend.

How is it going to be fine? Things are breaking, dying, and I don't know how to save them. What am I supposed to do with the pieces? I did not know how battered and broken this had become. Why hadn't she told me?

_And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head_

"It's not working, Goku. I don't know if we've ever worked," Chichi said gently.

I can practically feel her hurting. She crosses her arms and hugs herself tightly. Have I ever held her like that? Have I ever been the one to keep her close and safe? I thought I had, but thinking back, I don't remember.

"I can't tell you how much I wanted it to work… but I can't stay here and…" Chichi stops and holds a hand over her mouth.

Tears fall from her eyes like the questions from my mind. Suddenly I don't remember what I want to know, I only know that I don't remember knowing this. When did this happen? I don't understand. Why can't she stay? I ask her what I am thinking.

"Staying here, hoping for you to come back, it's like dying," she whispers, the drops raining silently from her beautiful brown eyes.

I remind her that I always return when I have to leave, that I always make sure I know she's safe. She shakes her head as she looks at me.

"You still haven't come back from the first time you left. I've been waiting for thirty years, Goku. And I think…"

She looks out the window toward the mountains. I wonder what she sees there. I wonder if she can feel my pain like I feel hers.

"I don't want to be angry, or yell, or fight with you anymore, Goku. It's not right for me to do that, or for you to have to endure it."

She doesn't do that anymore. I tell her this, hoping to make her see that things are still alright. I don't remember the last time we fought, I remind her. She probably doesn't either.

"Neither do I," she says with a sadness I don't understand, "We don't talk, we don't try to understand each other. I'm sorry for that, Goku."

Why is not talking a problem? I know Vegeta very well and we hardly ever say a word to each other. But we train, which is its own language. I remind Chichi that we used to train together, and that maybe it will help us.

"I remember. I can't do that anymore. You outstripped me long ago, and then I got older. Fighting wasn't my world, like it was yours. Gohan and Goten and Goku were my world," she tells me softly, "And maybe I should've made fighting more a part of my life, but I couldn't leave my children."

Her words stab at me. It hurts to know that she feels like that. I left them, but I did it so they would be safe. I never went when I didn't have to leave. Doesn't she know that I don't want to be away from her? Doesn't she know it kills me to not be near her?

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silent screaming blur_

"Do you remember when Buu killed me?" she asks me.

My blood boils even as I think about that time. I do not remember a time I have been in more pain. Not once during my deaths or lives have I felt as helpless as I did then. Doesn't she know that? Doesn't she understand how much I love her and how much I want her?

"I started thinking about this more after that. I know…that you love me just like you love everyone else on the earth…"

That is true, she is that important to me.

"…but I think you'll be able to do more for them without me holding you back. You know what I mean," she cuts me off as I begin to protest.

I don't know what she means! I think angrily. But then logic intervenes.

No, I do know. She is thinking that if I don't have to worry about her, I can save others. I grit my teeth as I think about one painful subject that always hurts. I can save almost anyone from almost anything, but the only person I have never been able to save is my wife. I couldn't even save her in a dream, for Earth's sake. I couldn't save her from Buu either.

I once asked someone wise about this, and they told me that maybe she was never meant to be mine. I don't remember what I said, I just got angry and dismissed their words. What if they were right?

"I understand why you sacrifice so much for these people," Chichi says kindly, putting a hand on my arm. Fire shoots through my body at her touch. It hurts.

"I didn't know much about it, or want to know before," she goes on, "but I finally figured it out. They need you, and you need them."

But I need you, too! I want to shout. But I stay silent without truly knowing why. Maybe it's because I am beginning to understand her. Her life was her children when I was gone, and now our children are grown. With a pang her full meaning tears into me. I couldn't make her happy enough. I still can't.

_Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door_

I know I will look back on this and ask myself why I did not stop her when I had the chance. But I know the answer even before I ask the question. I let her go because I had many chances years ago. I missed every single one of them. I have no right to make her stay, or to even ask her to remain here with me.

The memories I have are almost overwhelming now that I know what I'm losing. Why haven't I seen this? Why do I have to lose her now that I see?

_You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far_

I watch closely as Chichi speaks slowly and deliberately. She's thought about this a lot. I wish I had. At the moment I am willing to give anything to be able to go back and fix this… to be able to fix us.

For the first time I really notice how the years I have been married to Chichi stand out against the years I was without her. These years have been filled with more happiness than even Master Roshi had been able to give me. I love food, but more than that… I love my wife.

Is she happy leaving me? Maybe the way I'm happy with her is the way she's happy without me. But… whether or not she knows which one will make her happier, I think I need to give her the chance to be happy, just like she did for me.

_Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

For a moment I consider the possibility of Chichi changing her mind. If I tell her that I understand now… maybe… I open my mouth and am shocked by the heart wrenching words that come pouring out. I tell her that I love her, I say that I want her to be happy like she's made me happy, and to my horror I blurt that I need her and want her to stay.

I watch as Chichi closes her eyes tightly as two tears leave trails down her cheeks. She hugs herself tighter and I find myself wishing more than anything that I was the one holding her, not the man causing her tears. But maybe those hated tears mean she still has feelings for me. Maybe, just maybe this can be fixed.

_Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do_

"I'm…sorry. I think this is the way things should be now," Chichi says, releasing herself from her hold to brush away her tears, "I need to let you go, Goku. Waiting for you is like waiting for rain on a star; it can't happen."

Don't leave! I can change! I want to tell her. But I know I can't. She knows I can't. She's known that all along. I've been blind to reality, but she's suffered through it for me. I wince as this painful realization hits me: she needs to have her own life. Ever since she was a little girl she has been preparing to marry me.

After our wedding, she did all she could to make me happy and take care of me. I now know that my way of caring for her wasn't what it should have been. I treated her like a fellow fighter when I should've treated her like a wife. But I hadn't known how to do that until a few years ago. Even then, I was dead.

I wonder why she chose me. I was a little boy with no knowledge of anything but martial arts, and she was a princess, still is. Why me? I turn to Chichi and ask her the question that is on my mind: why did she love me and marry me.

She looks at me for a while before saying anything. I don't think I've ever seen her look at me like this. I don't even know how to describe it. She seems to be… growing. Finally she speaks.

"Because I see life and hope in you, Goku. I've never known anyone to be so kind and strong. I'll always care for you because of who you are. Please don't…" she stops.

I ask her to continue, wondering what it is she wants to say. I don't think I've asked her that enough in our marriage.

"Don't ever change, Goku. You're perfect the way you are," she finishes with a smile.

I don't believe her. If I am perfect, why can't I ever save her or help her? I should be able to take care of my own wife, I think angrily.

"I just don't fit with who you are. You've always fit me…" she takes a deep breath as she falls silent.

Suddenly I realize that what I want: I want Chichi to be happy. Happier than she's ever been; I long to have that happiness be with me, but I know I never stay in one place for long. She needs stability and support. I know I can't do that because of who I am; I am a fighter, a savior to all but her. And I know I can't change. And she knows that too.

So I say goodbye to her, I say that she could be happy, that I hope she is happy with whatever she chooses. I feel my heart die quickly in my chest and sit still against my lungs after I let her go. She stares at me for a moment with a look I can't place. I think I see something die behind her eyes, or maybe something has been born. Was it something I said?

She returns my goodbye and opens the front door to leave. She doesn't look back when she walks away. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the sight of her vanishing down the mountain. It is as if I dreamed her. And every dream has to end.

_More than anything I want to see you girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world_

_**THE END**  
_

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Hello. I wrote this story while I was on a break (about 15 min. I wrote fast) from helping my family's eighty-seven year old friend move back into her home after recovering from an illness. I'm so happy she can still care for herself. 

When I heard this song on Smallville, I knew I just had to write a story to it. I got the chance during my break. I didn't use Smallville characters since they seem to already have a story that goes with it.

**NOTE: **To those of you who are still waiting for updates to my other stories, I'm sorry for the wait, but I don't have a lot of time to write right now. I haven't given up on them yet, though. :) Thanks for sticking with me, and if you didn't, thanks for reading.


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